Why Don't Kids Do Chores Anymore?

http://www.careerjournal.com/myc/workfamily/20050701-opdyke.htmlhttp://tinyurl.com/gwrn8

By Jeff Opdyke

>From The Wall Street Journal Online

When I was growing up, I spent many summer days struggling to shove abulky Toro mower through the thick mat of grass that was my yard. Thatwas my main weekly chore. I pushed that same mower around theneighborhood with my buddy, Mike, hawking lawn-cutting services for $10a yard.

I mention this because I've noticed something peculiar while drivingaround town in recent weeks: Though it's summer, I've yet to see asingle kid out mowing a lawn. I don't see any kid-produced signsoffering mowing services. I see teams of lawn-maintenance workersneatly tending yards...but no kids.

It's not just lawns, mind you. During our time in New Jersey, I don'trecall seeing any kids raking leaves in the fall. In three years not asingle kid stopped by our house offering to shovel the snow off thedriveway. I never hear my son's friends lamenting the chores they'recharged with after school or on weekends. All they ever do is ridebikes or dash off to this practice or that game or some camp.

I don't blame the kids. I blame the parents.

To put it bluntly: We've gone soft. Partly, I think, we remember howmuch we hated the chores when we were younger. Partly we feel guiltyabout all the time we spend working. Partly we're just too lazy andit's easier to hire somebody than force our kids to do it. Whatever thereason, many of us are slacking off when it comes to imposing on ourkids the same sorts of obligations our parents required of us.

In watching my son water some plants for me the other day -- meaning,watching him barely sprinkle the plants amid his goofball antics withthe hose and an anthill -- I realized that it's time to reverse thetrend. Child-labor laws be damned, it's time my son went to work.

* * *

I don't recall how old I was when my grandfather -- who, with mygrandmother, raised me -- started asking me to cut the grass, thoughI'm pretty sure I was about 9 or 10. I remember in second grade helpinghim in the garden and with odds and ends around the house. I alsoremember hating it: I would much rather have been down the streetplaying with my friends, or inside watching Scooby Doo on a Saturdaymorning. Occasionally, he might give me a couple of dollars for myeffort, though usually he just patted me on the back and said, "Goodjob, buddy."

Looking back on those days, I realize now what my grandfather wastrying to teach me then: that you must establish a work ethic; you mustlearn to take care of your property; you can't always expect money forsimply helping the family; and you must earn through an honest day'swork what you want in this life.

I can't say that I've sent an equally meaningful message to my own sonup to this point. In fact, the message I'm sending is pretty much theopposite.

For instance, we have a lawn-service guy who cuts the grass and edgesthe yard for $35 every week or two. I hired him because I don't havethe time on weekends, between writing and rehabbing an old house Ibought with a friend. The amount of money I can make on thoseactivities far surpasses what I pay the lawn guy to cut my grass.

Yet I'm beginning to see that the cost of hiring somebody to cut mygrass goes beyond that $35. This is the first house we've owned -- andwe've owned six -- where I haven't done the yard work. What my son seesis his mom and me paying someone else to do what we could do instead.So, I imagine he figures: "Why should I do what Mom and Dad won't?"

Traces of that come out when he's assigned a small chore. He gets boredquickly and begins to play, and soon drops the task all together. Itisn't a priority for him because I haven't instilled in him that itshould be a priority.

A couple of weeks ago, for example, I asked him to water some daylilies we had just planted. I watched him through the window: He spentabout a minute on that duty, then began spraying an anthill, stirringup the ants and watching them busily try to preserve and rebuild theirmound. When that lost his attention, he turned off the water, left thehose splayed across the yard and came inside to watch cartoons -- whilethe day lilies wilted in the heat.

I know I've got company here. Not only do I see it in the absence ofkids cutting grass and raking leaves and shoveling snow, but I alsohear it from friends I talk to. Lots of parents don't force their kidsto do much work around the house. Why, though? Why do we let our kidsshirk the same responsibilities we once had?

I can think of a few reasons...

* * *

Perhaps the key reason is that we live in an age that's moretouchy-feely. Many parents -- and I concede that I am one of them --are more lenient and less authoritarian than were our parents. When Iwas a child, my grandparents gave me a chore and they expected me to doit. Period. These days, Mom and Dad aren't so much setting the rules asthey are negotiating with their kids. And kids learn to negotiatethemselves out of tasks they don't want to be burdened with at themoment.

But that isn't the only reason. It's also a question of money: Many ofus have more of it than our parents did when they were raising us. Ifwe can hire somebody to cut the grass every two weeks for less moneythan we'd spend on one dinner out, why not?

Also, so many kids are overscheduled these days. They have soccerpractice and tennis lessons and dance class. By the time they get home,there are barely enough hours for homework and dinner. Who has time toweed the garden?

And then there's guilt. More couples both work nowadays, often logginglong hours. That leaves us anxious not to waste those precious hours wedo have for our kids. Chores, we rationalize, are inconvenient when wecould be doing something as a family.

So there are lots of reasons, many of them valid. But I'm convincedthat none of them are good enough, and I'm going to change thingsaround my house.

My son isn't quite old enough to push a lawnmower across the yard yet,but he is old enough to help me weed the many flower beds we have. He'salso old enough to rake leaves in the fall, to help me change the oilin the cars and to help me wash the dishes at night -- all of whichwill soon be on his to-do list. I may decide to pay him a littlesomething for a few of those chores, since some of them are beyond whatI view as weekly obligations.

For the most part, though, I'll just pat him on the back and say, "Goodjob, buddy."

-- July 01, 2005

Sue wrote:> The recommendation is to not let children mow grass because of the danger of> cutting off limbs and/or accidents.

I began mowing lawns when I was about ten years old, and never had aproblem, even with equipment (early 60s vintage) that wasn't nearly assafe as today's models.

I think parents today don't give kids enough credit -- if taught how touse mowers & trimmers properly, there's no reason a boy 10, 11 or 12couldn't handle them safely.

If we could it do it back then, why can't they do it now?

Sue wrote:> "fgoodwin" wrote in message> > I began mowing lawns when I was about ten years old, and never had> > a problem, even with equipment (early 60s vintage) that wasn't> > nearly as safe as today's models.> >> > I think parents today don't give kids enough credit -- if taught how> > to use mowers & trimmers properly, there's no reason a boy 10, 11 or> > 12 couldn't handle them safely.> >> > If we could it do it back then, why can't they do it now?>> This recommendation came from Wright and Fillipis who make prosthesis> for people who have lost limbs. They were very adament that children> under 12 (I believe) not mow the lawn. Lawn mowers are extremely heavy> and children cannot manage them properly, nor do they have the> maturity to handle themselves in an emergency.

My son is 12 and handles both our lawnmower and trimmer just fine.I've shown him how to use both properly. I've heard about peoplelosing limbs to lawnmowers -- that usually happens when either dothings the mower wasn't designed to do, or otherwise use the mowerimproperly.

Children should be properly supervised, but once they learn how, like Isaid, there's no reason they can't do it.

> We used to drive in cars without seat belts when we were kids, does> that mean we shouldn't put our kids in seat belts anymore?

Not sure what your point is -- seat belts are for safety, and I supporttheir use 100%.